


somebody I used to know

by thedisasternerd



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, CC-2224 | Cody Needs a Hug, Established Relationship, Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Oops, Post-Rako Hardeen arc, Protective CC-2224 | Cody, Qui-Gon Jinn Needs a Punch, Qui-Gon turns up in the future, Time Travel, i'm the CEO of the Punch Qui-Gon Club, just a friendly heads up, lads need to hug it out, make that a tag please, qui-gon jinn is a DICK okay, the other name for this is the "how much pain can the author put obi-wan through" fic, this isn't solely a bash fic but it's really not nice to him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedisasternerd/pseuds/thedisasternerd
Summary: Obi-Wan sighs, and closes his eyes, swallowing down the sudden urge to violently empty the meagre contents of his stomach. He can't remember when he last ate, or slept, for that matter - sometime after he got back to the Negotiator? - and now.This.He's also fending off a panic attack, but that's beside the point. He has one of those every day, even though this one might bemarginallyless manageable than the rest.Considering, well, his old Master has travelled forwards in time, apparently, and of all the places he had to end up in, it was on the bridge of the Negotiator, right in front of Cody's nose, and his wonderful, amazing, scarily competent commander immediately stunned Qui-Gon and. That had been that.Except not. At all.---OR: the one where Qui-Gon comes back to haunt everyone in flesh and blood; Cody is tired, angry, and emotionally constipated - and Obi-Wan just wants a hug.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 346
Kudos: 1638
Collections: Anything But Qui-Gon, all my homies hate qui-gon





	1. of surprises and death wishes

**Author's Note:**

> aight. I started this one a couple months ago and dug it out again, so expect pain.  
> many thanks to my dear friends [Vox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forestgreengirl/pseuds/Forestgreengirl), [Bean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572) and [Crab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crab_Lad/pseuds/Crab_Lad), who were incredibly helpful with characterisation and cheerleading. Much love to you three! <3

Obi-Wan wants to throw himself out of an airlock. He wants to do it as soon as possible, but Cody's switching between glaring at the unconscious, ah, _man_ , on the bridge of the Negotiator and giving Obi-Wan his signature side-eye that always forebodes Cody pulling answers (to questions he'd rather avoid) out of him like teeth. Obi-Wan knows he can't escape _that_ particular trial but he can at least maintain some semblance of dignified normality right now, even though he feels like a blasted _padawan_ again. 

So Obi-Wan resolutely ignores his commander signing _‘rendezvous, after’_ at him. He's miraculously forgotten what those signs mean. Definitely. He must've hit his head. He's willing to go to medbay and get checked out. Okay, maybe not _Medbay_ , although Painless knocking him out for the next week or so sounds...nice. 

Meanwhile, Cody's side-eyeing has gotten more narrowed and suspicious. 

Obi-Wan seriously considers passing out. Cody would catch him (would he now, though?), which would be nice, even though he'd not remember any of it. But it's the thought that counts. And he very much likes the idea of being far closer to Cody than strictly professional, or necessary. He’s not sure he deserves it, though. Not after...well. After everything that they still _haven’t talked about_.

"Sir." Cody's got his blaster out, _great,_ this is going to end _so well._ "Do you know the intruder? They seem to be... a _jetii_." 

He tilts his head to the left in _that way_ he does. It means silent judgement. Or, worse, concern, but there's nothing concerning? Right now, it's probably both - well, Obi-Wan (very selfishly) hopes that Cody feels concern for him because that means that Cody actually _feels_ something for him that isn’t anger or hatred or pain or a litany of other things that Obi-Wan deserves but doesn’t want. Cody's been...off (see: rightfully angry and probably disgusted at Obi-Wan) since Obi-Wan got back from his mission and Obi-Wan isn't _not_ responsible.

Obi-Wan sighs, and closes his eyes, swallowing down the sudden urge to violently empty the meagre contents of his stomach. He can't remember when he last ate, or slept, for that matter - sometime after he got back to the _Negotiator_ ? - and now. _This._

He's also fending off a panic attack, but that's beside the point. He has one of those every day, even though this one might be _marginally_ less manageable than the rest.

Considering, well, his old Master has travelled forwards in time, apparently, and of all the places he had to end up in, it was on the bridge of the Negotiator, right in front of Cody's nose, and his wonderful, amazing, scarily competent commander immediately stunned Qui-Gon and. That had been that.

Except not. At all. 

Qui-Gon's still there but he's unconscious now.

Oh _dear._

"Sir?" Cody prompts.

Obi-Wan breathes through his rolling nausea and manages a weak smile. He hasn't yet grown his beard back, and he feels - exposed. Anakin said his face was easier to read without it, after he'd stopped yelling and started crying instead.

Cody doesn't look particularly impressed, nor convinced, by Obi-Wan's attempt - probably because of the dishonesty of it (Obi-Wan's a liar and he knows Cody knows). In other words, the usual combination.

He has a few seconds to contemplate Cody’s face - he can blame it on being out of it later. The intricate scar twisting around his left eye, the gorgeous _gold_ of his irises (he’d noticed quite early on that the troopers all had eyes of different colours and tints and patterns, which he’d found beautiful. Cody has _gold,_ overlapping and shimmering, steady and true, unchanging-), his eyebrows scrunching and lowering a little.

_Qui-Gon frowning at him as he failed, yet again, Maul's infected yellow eyes, Qui-Gon whispering "train the boy" and then he's gone, he's gone, Qui-Gon is gone and Obi-Wan failed him again, he's never been enough, he's just a failure and he'll never be good enough-_

"I believe." Obi-Wan announces, cutting off that train of thought before he can spiral into a _pity party_. He licks his lips and looks for the nearest trash chute. Takes a deep breath. "That I am going to throw up."

He does, in fact, throw up, but not in a trash chute, which would've been the only way to make it somewhat dignified. Instead, he finds himself curled up on the floor, shaking, with tears running down his face and Cody crouching next to him, hand warm and rubbing his back soothingly. He knocks his head against the wall and heaves in a shaky breath. His mouth tastes vile, and, true to form, Cody knows exactly what to do. He produces a bottle of water from Force knows where and gently tips it up to Obi-Wan's lips, and there's a hand on the back of his neck, a little awkward but Cody, for all his ruthlessness, is far too kind to be anything other than caring.

“Here.” Cody murmurs gently and he really should stop being so _caring._ Obi-Wan doesn't deserve it and waits for the blow, for Cody to realise his mistake and retreat. " _Sir_."

There it is. 

But he doesn't show his stupidly overblown reaction to such a small thing, just grimaces and takes the water, swilling it around in his mouth before spitting it out awkwardly.

He wrinkles his nose at the mess and Cody raises an eyebrow at him, eyes bright with mostly something like helpless amusement, even though his face is impassive.

“That’s somewhat undignified.” Obi-Wan manages, in lieu of an explanation.

Cody snorts and Obi-Wan can feel an odd heat in his cheeks, and he doesn’t think it’s embarrassment. 

_Kriff_.

Blast throwing up into the trash chute. He wants to just shove himself in there and get vaporised. Not thinking sounds...nice.

“Kriff.” He mumbles. It feels good to say that, so he does it again. “ _Kriff._ ”

Cody makes a tiny amused sound. It's nice to hear it. Cody's nice. It's good that he's here. He really should be anywhere _but_ with Obi-Wan, after...after _it._

“Better now?” Cody asks. He really needs to stop being nice. Cody's _too_ nice.

Cody's kind and thoughtful and competent and he's on his way to be the highest ranking trooper in the GAR for a reason. Like his commander, Obi-Wan likes to think that he's doing fairly well, too, but really, at this rate, he's well on his way into 'disaster' territory. Cody's following him there for some reason. Well, _was_ following him there.

Then he realises that he really should answer the question or Cody's going to make assumptions and Cody’s assumptions are either too accurate or self-deprecating and wildly inaccurate. Right now, too accurate.

So Obi-Wan does what he does best: lies through his teeth.

“Yes.” Obi-Wan waves a hand vaguely, fails to sit up and ends up sagging against his commander. Cody is nice and solid under him, although the plastoid of his armour is scratched and cold, snagging on his clothes. “Thank you.”

“What _was_ that, sir?” It’s Boil, crouching down a few metres away, Waxer hovering behind him. “Do you know the intruder? Are you okay? Do you need to go to Medical?"

Obi-Wan licks his lips and swallows against the odd lump in his throat, which doesn’t go away. He scrapes his brains together, lifts his head from Cody’s shoulder, immediately feels wrong for doing that, but doesn't let himself give in. After everything...

“I'm perfectly fine." He says. Then forces himself to answer the other question. "It’s. The intruder is Qui-Gon Jinn.” The words stick in his mouth, unpleasantly bitter. He pretends not to notice the way Cody tenses under him - he knows Cody knows, but the rest of the troopers don’t. So when Boil and Waxer exchange a confused look, he adds: “My old Master. He’s. He’s _supposed_ to be dead."

He catches Cody muttering _just like you were_ acidly under his breath and suppresses his flinch.

“Oh.” Boil, to his credit, looks sheepish. Waxer seems mildly horrified, and that’s Gearshift skidding to a halt behind them, Longshot, Trapper and Crys not far behind. “Sorry sir.”

He wants to scream that it’s not alright, he’ll never be alright, that it’s _not okay_ \- but-

“It’s quite alright.” He heaves himself to his feet, Cody wrapping an arm around his chest, and he allows himself a momentary lapse, practically collapsing into the commander’s side. Cody, the sweetheart, is as solid as a rock, even after everything. “ _Really_.”

None of them look particularly convinced. He can't imagine why.

“If you say so, sir.” Cody’s voice is practically _dripping_ with sarcasm and Obi-Wan resists the urge to roll his eyes. “But with respect-"

“No, commander, it’s fine, I’ll handle it.”

He practically _feels_ Cody gearing up for an argument but before he can retort they're interrupted.

“Sir?” A shiny - Threk, judging by the bright pink hair - trips over his own feet in his haste to get to them. "Sir, the intruder is waking up, should we put him in the cells?"

Obi-Wan has to admit, the temptation is strong. He doesn't, however, give in to it.

“No, no.” He scrubs at his face and steps away from Cody, if a little reluctantly. _Need to give him space._ “He means no harm. In fact, I don’t think he intended to be here.”

“Weird Force bantha poodoo?” Threk suggests cheerfully, then scrambles futilely for a cover when Gearshift hisses at him. “Sorry sir, I meant. Weird. Force. Things?”

Obi-Wan much preferred the first version, and besides, they’ve all heard him swear already. 

One more time won’t hurt.

“Yes, Threk. Weird Force bantha poodoo.” He sighs and _oh_ , his head hurts.

Someone says his name, and they really shouldn’t be concerned, he’s _fine_. 

Then the world goes black.

* * *

_There are rumours that Master Jinn is coming to the Temple again._

_Obi-Wan doesn't put much stock in them; the other Younglings talk a lot of nonsense. Besides, he doesn't see why he should care. He's not old enough to become a Padawan; he doesn't see the point in "making an impression", as Bruck puts it._

_So, rather than gathering with the other Younglings to wait for the Master, he goes to see Keiin, the gardener, in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. They while away the time among the plants, tending to them and talking about various things at the same time - it’s mostly Obi-Wan babbling, really, but the flowers are Force sensitive - he can’t contain his excitement about that. Eventually, they get to Obi-Wan's corner; he has a young sapling there, freshly planted, and an assortment of flowers, the ones that shine the brightest, some rippling bright gold, like petals drifting on water, otherwise a gentle blue nightlight, like the one Obi-Wan has next to his bed that he can turn on when he can’t sleep._

_But there’s someone sitting in front of them, someone with long hair that's beginning to go silver who’s about Obi-Wan’s height sitting down. His back is to them and his Force signature is calm and cool._

_Obi-Wan comes to an uncertain halt a few metres away, a little confused. Keiin, however, approaches._

_"May I help you?" He asks._

_The figure twists around and Obi-Wan notes with surprise that not only does he recognise this man, but that it's Master Jinn. He recognises him from - somewhere. He’s not sure where, but he just_ knows _that it’s Master Jinn._

_Obi-Wan curbs his surprise, bows respectfully, and scrambles away, not quite knowing why._

_He ends up in the section of the garden that has the tall trees and moss. The trees whisper to him, and usually, he’d chatter back but - not today. There’s something in his stomach, and he doesn’t know_ why _._

_"Are those your plants, Youngling?" A quiet voice asks._

_Obi-Wan freezes and slowly turns around to face Master Jinn, who has a strange expression on his face. Obi-Wan can't quite pinpoint it, exactly._

_"Yes," he opens and closes his mouth a few times before hurriedly tacking on: "Master."_

_"You planted and grew them?"_

_Obi-Wan bobs his head, shuffling around awkwardly. He wants to say more - but something tells him not to._

_Master Jinn hums, an odd smile playing around his lips. His eyes briefly reflect red and Obi-Wan - he’s scared._

_"Well, little one," he gets up and ruffles Obi-Wan's hair. He’s so much taller than Obi-Wan and it’s - intimidating. "I shall leave you in peace."_

_Obi-Wan doesn't know what to say; he stares at Master Jinn's retreating back for a long time._

* * *

His head really, _really hurts_.

It’s the pain of a Force bond gone awry, agony that no amount of painkillers can fix. It’s like rubbing salt into a healing wound, tearing it apart again, and really, there’s only one possible...explanation for that.

He sighs, trying not to frown at the pain, and opens his eyes.

Medbay is, as always, too bright. Painless’ hair isn’t exactly helping, either, as the Medic looms over him threateningly.

“So, general.” Obi-Wan groans at him and attempts to sit up, but Painless pushes him down, firmly. “I’d like to know why the kriff you passed out on the bridge. Sir.”

“Shock.” Obi-Wan says promptly. 

Painless narrows his eyes at him.

“No.” He drawls. “There’s some, _what’s the word_ , “weird Force bantha poodoo” involved, I can tell. _Sir_.”

Obi-Wan smiles innocently up at him.

“No, Painless, I assure you, it was just shock-”

“Permission to speak freely, sir?” 

Obi-Wan frowns, and immediately curses himself as the pain spikes.

“Of course.”

“Stop lying to my face." Alright, that one hurt. But it's also true. "Or I’ll let Cody in. He’s been waiting for you to wake up for the past half hour and he hasn’t had his caff yet.”

...That airlock is starting to be even more appealing. The bliss of not thinking with the added bonus of his headache stopping is practically irresistible. But to get to it, Obi-Wan needs to bypass Painless _and_ Pre-Caff Cody (potentially the most terrifying thing Obi-Wan has ever encountered) _and_ whatever guard he’s set up by the door - he really doesn’t want to deal with a shiny who’s Painless-approved and therefore tough as banthahide with gundark levels of perseverance and Cody backing them up.

“Fine.” He concedes, sighing. Painless smiles, infuriatingly smug at his victory, and straightens out - but now there’s nothing to block the light and _oh that really hurts._ “It’s... an old training bond. When... _he_ reappeared it was re-established, and there’s something of a _feedback loop_ being created on my end.”

Painless heaves in an exasperated breath and holds it for a second. Obi-Wan watches his face go through several different expressions before he breathes out explosively and sags.

“I can’t do anything, can I?” He mumbles, rubbing at his face and Obi-Wan is touched at the concern there. “Do painkillers help?”

Obi-Wan shakes his head and reaches out to brush his fingertips over the back of Painless’ hand, sending a wave of affection and calm to the Medic. He really does love the Medic, for all his bluster and threats. Painless 

“Thank you, Painless.” He attempts a smile but he thinks it comes out more of a grimace, judging by the flash in Painless’ eyes. “But there’s nothing to be done.”

Painless huffs.

“Well, you could eat and actually _sleep_ for once in your di’kut life.” He starts. Obi-Wan thinks, pained, _not this argument again_. “Maybe that would help. Sir.”

“I eat!” Obi-Wan protests, _really_ , why does everyone think he can’t take care of himself? “And sleep.”

Judging by Painless’ expression, he doesn’t share that opinion. The _'really'_ goes unsaid and Obi-Wan resents it.

He still hasn’t forgotten how Painless stabbed him with a hypo containing a sedative that one time. On the bridge. In front of Cody, Boil, and several shinies. Witnesses claim that he collapsed into Cody’s arms, which, _really_ , he’s not some damsel in distress.

Painless continues giving him a _look_ , so Obi-Wan ignores the images flashing in the back of his head ( _red generator shields and helplessness-_ ), instead staring back mulishly, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting up.

“Am I free to go?” He drawls, and resists the urge to rub at his head or the stubble on his face that can barely be called _stubble,_ much less a beard (he feels so very exposed without it).

Glaring at him, Painless steps away from the bed and Obi-Wan swings his legs over the side. The medic continues to watch him hawkishly, probably looking for any sign that Obi-Wan should stay in Medbay; Obi-Wan just stuffs his legs into his boots and reaches for his outer robes before standing up, very carefully avoiding eye contact. 

He wraps himself in his robes, grateful for the familiar heaviness and shelter they provide, and pats the medic on his shoulder. True to form, Painless narrows his eyes and harrumphs, but lets him step past.

“If I so much as get a _squeak_ out of you.” Painless warns just as he’s about to move towards the doors. “You’re on bedrest for a _week,_ you hear me? And I’ll sic Cody on you. In fact, great idea, I’ll do that _now._ ”

Obi-Wan can feel the blood drain from his face. The last thing he wants is to distract Cody from his work - the man is busy enough as it is without having to pointlessly look after Obi-Wan. He’ll manage just fine, he’ll take Qui-Gon to the Temple and they’ll sort everything out-

“Really, Painless, that’s not necessary-”

But Painless is already striding over to the doors and waving them open. Lo and behold, Cody shuffles in, helmet tucked under his arm, looking thoroughly annoyed. Someone’s had the forethought to give him a paper cup of caff, and he’s clutching it in bare fingers, his gloves hanging from his belt. It’s an odd combination, considering that he’s otherwise in full armour. 

He eyes Obi-Wan and passive-aggressively takes a sip, then downs the entire cup without breaking eye contact.

Obi-Wan flushes and looks away but Cody takes pity on him and produces a second cup from behind his back - where did he get it from is a _really good question_ , actually.

He starts saying _really you didn't have to_ but he doesn't even get to open his mouth before-

"Here." Cody hands the cup over to Painless and Obi-Wan doesn't pout, rather feels himself flush awkwardly at the assumption he made. "You deserve it, Painless."

"Is this your way of trying to get back in my good books?" Painless takes a gulp of the caff and makes a face. "I hate that it's working. General, take notes."

“Duly noted.” Obi-Wan smiles glibly and starts to sidle past Cody, half expecting the man to stop him - but Cody doesn’t. It’s jarring. “Well, I’ll be going. I need to speak to the Council-”

“That’s been done. General Skywalker has already arrived, sir.” Cody makes an aborted movement, as if about to put a hand on Obi-Wan’s arm, like he usually does - but doesn’t. Obi-Wan swallows the pain in his chest down and stares at the floor, feeling oddly chastised. “He is currently with Master Jinn in the hangar.”

“Alright.” Obi-Wan should probably go there. “I’ll be going, then. Lieutenant, commander.”

He nods at both of them and slips out.

He’s halfway down the corridor, filled with an odd buzzing numbness, when Cody catches up to him.

“Sir.” He puts an awkward hand on Obi-Wan’s bicep and - this is the first time Cody has touched him like that, with no real need to do it, since Obi-Wan came back. “I’m coming with you.”

Obi-Wan blinks. Last time he checked, Cody wouldn’t willingly interact with him if he had the option not to, instead giving him a wide berth and/or glaring at him from a distance, or going down to the gym to break his hands _again_ (he thought he’d gotten Cody out of that habit, but apparently it’s his fault Cody’s started doing it again). But - did Painless dump him on Obi-Wan’s tail? Is Cody doing this out of professionalism? Or, more likely, Cody’s far too good a being and knows _exactly_ how Obi-Wan is feeling about this Situation - and is still willing to stick by his side and help.

Obi-Wan is too tired, all of a sudden, to fight it.

“Thank you, Cody.” He doesn’t let everything else out ( _I’m sorry_ and _I will always regret what I did_ and _it’s all my fault, why are you getting involved_ ), instead just offers Cody a shaky smile.

Cody doesn’t smile back, but something in his eyes softens and one of his (many) walls disappears (Obi-Wan hopes Cody won’t feel the need to bring it back up). They’re still a long way from being back to what they were, but at least - they’re talking, a little. And maybe Cody is actually not actively avoiding him. 

They have yet to _communicate_ properly, but they’ve started to get somewhere, he thinks (hopes).

They turn left, to the turbolifts. Cody keys in a passcode and the doors slide open. They step inside.

There’s a silence before the lift whirrs to life.

“I’m sorry.” Obi-Wan blurts. _Dammit._

Cody clenches his jaw. “Not now.”

“Alright.” Obi-Wan jerks his head up and looks anywhere but at Cody’s face, his own burning.

Cody makes an irritated sound and shifts, helmet clacking against his body armour. “Obi-Wan, just. _Later,_ okay.” 

“Alright.”

Cody heaves in a breath and pulls his gloves on, then unclips the gauntlets from his belt. One of them falls to the floor with a clatter and they both bend down to pick it up at the same time; their fingers brush and they both freeze until Obi-Wan stumbles away with an apology. Cody just hisses something that sounds an awful lot like his usual combination of mando’a and Huttese swearing through his teeth and starts snapping the plastoid into place, movements harsh and almost angry - but Obi-Wan catches frustration and pain and traces of grief twisting in his Force signature before Cody slams his shields back up. It’s like a slap to the face and it _hurts_ all the more when Cody shoves his helmet on.

“I’ll still be sorry.” Obi-Wan murmurs as the lift doors slide open and they walk out. 

Cody says nothing.

“Wait.” Obi-Wan looks down sharply, at his belt - and his lightsaber isn’t there, it must still be in Medbay. “My lightsaber.”

“Here.” Cody unclips it from his own utility belt and hands it to him. Obi-Wan’s an idiot for not noticing it, but then again, to say he’s a little _out of it_ is putting it mildly. 

“Thank you.” Obi-Wan tries not to let his relief show as he takes his lightsaber from Cody and shoves it onto his own belt, its weight familiar and comforting.

 _This weapon is your life_ , Qui-Gon had said, _It’s your responsibility. Keep it safe._

Oh, the irony.

He sighs, pulling himself out of his spiralling thoughts, and looks around the hangar for two people who will probably be the tallest there.

He sees them standing next to the shuttle. Anakin’s face is bright and his Force signature _glows_ with something _good_ \- content, joy, almost satisfaction. It’s something Obi-Wan can’t say _he’s_ ever evoked in his former padawan recently, and his throat closes up. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised (Anakin had always daydreamed of Qui-Gon being his master, he knows. Anakin told him so and Anakin can’t lie, something that Obi-Wan admires).

Obi-Wan comes to a stop. His head hurts. Qui-Gon’s Force signature is _right there_ and so awfully familiar, a shade of warm green he hasn’t seen in a long time. But the murky grey is still there around the edges, and he can’t _breathe_ because it’s the wide, angry gunmetal colour that comes just before a flinch.

“I can’t.” He chokes out. Cody puts a hand on his shoulder and Obi-Wan shudders. “Cody. I don’t-”

“Obi-Wan.” Cody says. His voice is unspeakably calm, almost soft.

Obi-Wan _won't_ cry. He _won't._

He chokes back the weird feeling in his throat. Instead, he closes his eyes, breathes in through his nose, and moves forward again. 

Cody’s hand lingers on his upper back before falling away. Obi-Wan misses him so much it hurts.

“Hey, Master!” 

Anakin waves at him and Obi-Wan manages a smile, suddenly self conscious of his spiky, still growing hair and the frankly _ridiculous_ ginger stubble on his face. He could’ve at least looked well put together, more like himself, rather than like a twenty-something year old. He can’t imagine that he cuts a very striking figure. He probably gives off the impression of a bedraggled cat.

But he can at least give an _aura_ of dignity, so he avoids shrinking into his robes and plasters what he hopes is a brighter and more convincing smile onto his face. Cody, however, snorts, the sound staticy and harsh through his vocoder, obviously seeing right through him (just like always); Anakin just brightens impossibly.

Obi-Wan doesn’t (can’t) look at Qui-Gon.

“Hello, Anakin.” He plants his feet firmly into the floor and draws himself up to his full height. He is, unfortunately, still much shorter than his former master, which makes him feel even more small and insignificant, almost puny. Obi-Wan can see Qui-Gon scrutinising both him and Cody in his peripheral vision, which just makes his throat close up even more. He takes a deep breath, trying to get rid of the tightness in his chest, and forces himself to turn around. “Master Qui-Gon.”

He bows respectfully and it feels odd not to have his braid slide over his shoulder. He can _feel_ Cody tensing next to him, and oh, he really should-

“Commander Cody, sir.” Cody salutes crisply, but Obi-Wan can detect the strained, challenging undercurrent to his words. "I'm general Kenobi's second-in-command."

Qui-Gon nods serenely, his calm gaze flickering over Cody. Obi-Wan squashes the sharp flare of protectiveness - Cody is _competent_ and Obi-Wan is _not_ going to coddle him because of his stupid complexes. Besides, it was just him and they’re both adults now. He’s safe. He was always safe.

“Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Qui-Gon bows and smiles, a small thing that immediately makes a warm puddle of _validation-love-praise_ pool in Obi-Wan’s chest. “We were just discussing you, as a matter of fact.”

Anakin grins and Obi-Wan’s smile turns more genuine despite the fear beginning to settle in his chest - he can sense that something is off, and it’s suspiciously like Qui-Gon is - disappointed in him. He probably, no, _definitely_ is. He swallows and knots his hands in his robes, immediately cataloguing everything he’s ever done wrong-

“Yeah!” Anakin, ever affectionate, bumps his shoulder and Obi-Wan sighs automatically. “ _Especially_ about your haircut.”

Obi-Wan stares at him and tries to convey his quiet disappointment without speaking - the stops abruptly. Qui-Gon used to do that to him and it made him feel _awful_ \- he’s been doing it at Anakin so often and for a few years now, and not even stopped to think about whether or not Anakin would take that as the gentle reprimand it was, rather than the manifestation of apathy it had been for Master Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan really has failed. The bond in the back of his head, the one that is like sticking a foot in a closing door and hurts just as much, makes that known.

Anakin must’ve told Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan realises dimly. As an explanation for the ridiculous haircut. 

“Indeed.” Qui-Gon gives him another once over and Obi-Wan avoids shrinking into his robes. “Somewhat similar to a padawan cut, is it not? Just as Council mandated.”

Obi-Wan barely suppresses his flinch. Beside him, Cody is rigid with anger, while Anakin looks mildly confused. 

The bond scrapes awkwardly and he slams his shields up with a barely contained gasp. The force of the action is so large that Anakin flinches a little and Qui-Gon’s eyes narrow. Even Cody, who’s Force sensitive but not overly so, jerks away from him, anger sparking in his signature. 

Obi-Wan wants nothing more than to put a gentle hand on Cody’s shoulder and watch the rage fall away, maybe see Cody turn to him and tilt his helmet to the right, which Obi-Wan knows means Cody’s smiling - but. Obi-Wan doesn’t deserve that now.

Thankfully, he’s saved from further questioning by Cody.

“We should board the ship, sirs.”

“Of course.” Qui-Gon murmurs. “Thank you, commander.”

Cody salutes crisply but his anger and suspicion roils around him - Obi-Wan taught him how to shield, so Cody isn’t playing nice today. Obi-Wan wonders why, briefly, before nodding at the assembled party: Cody, Anakin, Qui-Gon, Boil and Waxer, and Oddball’s trainee pilot Jet. 

“We leave in fifteen.” Cody snaps. “I will be back in ten. Sirs.”

He salutes again and marches off. Obi-Wan watches him leave.

* * *

_“You’re rather clumsy, padawan.” Qui-Gon tells him._

_Obi-Wan ducks his head and continues staring awkwardly at the cleaning droid who’s hoovering up the remains of the dish he dropped._

_“Sorry master.” He mumbles._

_His hand hurts. He cut it on a shard of glass as he was picking up the pieces, and the piece had stuck inside his palm before he’d gritted his teeth and pulled it out. The blood is crusted and sticky and hot under his fingers but he clenches his fist tighter to block out the pain. Instead, of course, it hurts more; he can feel the wound throbbing._

_“Apologies won’t fix anything, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon says. “For you to be truly sorry, as it were, you’d have to make an effort to be less clumsy.”_

_Obi-Wan flushes. He’s trying - he really is - but the plate had been slippery and he was just so tired-_

_Excuses won’t make any difference, though - he dropped the plate. It’s broken now. It’s his fault. It’s always his fault._

_“Or,” Qui-Gon continues, his eyes grey and impenetrable. Obi-Wan swallows nervously, “you could mend the plate. The pieces are all inside the cleaning droid - perhaps, you’ll be able to put it back together again.”_

_His eyes don’t show anything besides calm, so Obi-Wan can’t tell if this is a command or a lesson, or maybe an option, not that he gets many of those, really._

_But he makes the decision and when Qui-Gon has gone down to meet with Master Yoda, Obi-Wan hurriedly fishes all the pieces out of the droid’s chamber, which results in another nick on his fingers. Then, he finds a pot of glue and decides that he’ll paint the cracks over with gold, like that pottery from a planet in the Mid Rim where they take broken pieces and weld them together with gold. Except he can’t weld and he doesn’t have any gold, so he’ll go with what he has._

_The plate takes him a month and numerous cuts to finish, but when it’s done - he can’t be more proud. It’s stupid and it’s really just a plate but surely there’s some deep, useful meaning to the exercise? Qui-Gon suggested it, after all, and he’s a good teacher._

_“Master!” He calls, making his way with the polished, gold-lined plate into the living room. “Master I fixed it!”_

_Qui-Gon looks up from his holonovel and Obi-Wan feels his elation fade rapidly. He comes to a halt and it’s all he can do to keep the plate from slipping from his fingers again. He clutches it to his chest and suddenly doesn’t want anyone to see the plate, ever. He’ll throw it out when he can-_

_“And what have you achieved besides personal gain?” Qui-Gon asks, tilting his head to the side implacably. There must be a lesson to this. There has to be, or maybe. Maybe Obi-Wan’s just-_

_“I.” Obi-Wan swallows and feels shame run high in his cheeks. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”_

_He turns around and flees. He failed, again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there should be about three/four chapters in total and I've just about finished the second one - expect updates roughly once a week/fortnight. stay tuned <3
> 
> edit, later on 12/07/2020: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I CAME BACK TO CHECK ON THIS AND HOLY SHIT I HAVE BEEN BLOWN AWAY BY THE RESPONSE THIS HAS RECEIVED IN...LESS THAN FIVE HOURS (I have dropped at least ten heartfelt "fuck"s in the past five minutes lmao). I LOVE YOU GUYS AND THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH ♥️


	2. got caught grinning at a dead body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a writing burnout rn so I'm very sorry if this chapter is a bit stilted and weird.
> 
> I'd like to say a massive thank you to y'all - over 200 subscriptions to this fic (owo) and nearly 400 kudos...I love y'all thank you so much ♥️
> 
> As always thank you to my "homies" Vox, Crab and Bean, and a shout-out to CJ (@someawkwardprose on ao3! Please check out their works-) for being very supportive and providing some level of discourse.
> 
> Thank you 💖

Cody’s tired.

He’s acutely aware of this as he watches Obi-Wan practically shake with a dangerous mix of emotions (his shields are cracking and Cody can feel _too much_ : pain, fear, more pain and a deep-rooted disappointment that the _di’kut jetii_ has for himself). Cody’s still angry, but now that Obi-Wan is doing his stupid _everyone hates me, I hate me_ thing - he’s not so certain that it’s actually anger. He ran away from the issue because he still doesn't know how to _deal_ with emotions, not because he blames Obi-Wan in any way. They all have make sacrifices in the name of war, after all. Obi-Wan is not at fault in any way - they're at war. 

Cody's at fault. He ran away from his issues. He ran away instead of facing his... _emotions_. Gods he's so _confused_ , and there are things sitting in his chest that make his stomach tie itself into knots, but that doesn't excuse him.

They _really_ need to talk. Soon. Before it’s too late and - he can’t lose Obi-Wan. He has to pull himself together because Cody might be the emotionally stunted one but he _knows_ he’s hurt his Jedi - and while it’s hard to stop avoiding the issue, he has to do it, not just for the sake of their relationship but for Obi-Wan’s own sake.

Soon, he tells himself, reaching up to tap twice over his heart when no-one’s looking at him, too busy walking up the ramp to the ship. _After they get Jinn back to the Temple._

Especially with Jinn around, he keeps having to stop himself from reaching out to touch his general - a hand on the shoulder, on his arm, gently winding his fingers around Obi-Wan’s wrist to feel his pulse. He wants to hold the idiot tightly in his arms, kiss him softly and watch his eyes light up. Cody wants to thread his fingers through soft ginger hair and he wants to just _talk_ to the man, about anything and everything.

Later, though. He’d snapped that at Obi-Wan earlier because really they didn’t have time and besides, there was the whole mess with Jinn. Jinn, who was quietly projecting his disappointment with Obi-Wan for some karking reason, probably because of whatever Skywalker had told him. The general hadn’t meant it maliciously, Cody knows, but sometimes he just - wants to punch him for being so dismissive of Obi-Wan, what with his hero-worship of Jinn, the one that he knows is always in the back of both Skywalker’s and Obi-Wan’s minds. Skywalker really does love and respect Obi-Wan - Cody can tell - but that isn’t always enough. 

At one point, Obi-Wan had gotten drunk enough to spill his guts, so Cody knew bits and pieces of Obi-Wan’s younger years. And what he knew was enough for him to hate Jinn with a passion because no-one hurt Obi-Wan.

Which is hypocritical. Here he is, standing opposite his _jetii_ , his general, his - his _cyare_ and not even looking him in the eyes. 

Boil and Waxer have both taken their helmets off and have taken their places behind the cockpit. Cody can see Jet, the pilot, through the small window between the main salon of the craft and the cockpit; Jet is barely not-shiny but he’s one of the best they have. He’s one of the only ones they have left, too, after a mission which had, incidentally, been led by Skywalker. He’d been angry, then, but not angry enough to not notice Obi-Wan walking the halls of the Negotiator like the ghost he was for a week. 

Cody nods at the two Ghosts. Boil salutes lazily and Waxer gives him a smile and a thumbs up, then turns to grin at Obi-Wan, who’s hovering awkwardly a few metres away from Cody. Obi-Wan takes that as the invitation it is and drifts over to stand by the pair.

Cody watches, something sour curdling in his throat, as Obi-Wan smiles and even laughs, if stiltedly, at something Waxer says. Boil rolls his eyes and reaches out to whack his partner’s arm and at that, the conversation seems to be over for now. Obi-Wan makes his way back over to one of the seats, which Cody notes is the one furthest away from Skywalker and Jinn. 

He sighs and makes his way over, feeling oddly exposed in his greys; he’d gone with them for formalities sake, despite Boil and Waxer being in full armour. He still has a blaster on his hip, though, as well as a vibroblade in each boot and a dagger strapped to his calf. On top of that, he’s beaten Obi-Wan in single combat before (once, and he’d fought dirty - they were already together at that point) so he’s capable of fighting without weapons, too. But still.

“General,” he nods a greeting and his heart clenches at Obi-Wan’s surprised, even startled expression, “may I?”

Obi-Wan acquiesces hastily, a smile half-forming on his lips. “Of course.”

He moves to the side a bit, enough for Cody to be able to sit down next to him without them brushing up against each other - which, admittedly, hurts. Cody settles down awkwardly on the plush seat, not used to transport that isn’t an ancient freighter or a battered shuttle with regulated seating. This one has a kriffing _lounge_ , which beats Cody a little bit to be honest.

“The ship is Nabooian,” Obi-Wan says softly, “it’s a bit...expensive, I admit.”

Cody snorts.

“You could say that.” He carefully doesn’t tack on the _sir_ and watches Obi-Wan relax fractionally.

 _Baby steps,_ a voice that sounds suspiciously like Rex’s says in his head.

He blows out a breath. _Baby steps_ , he repeats to himself, and decides to start with the little things. He reaches over to gently tap his knuckles against Obi-Wan’s arm, then jerks his arm away before he can do anything stupid like hold Obi-Wan’s hand.

In his peripheral vision he sees Obi-Wan blink in surprise and then there’s a faint but painstakingly obvious blush on his cheeks. He looks so _young_ , especially with that awful hair and stubble to disguise the lack of lines in his face - only his eyes remain old and weary and filled with a sort of numb pain that Cody used to be able to take away.

Cody looks away and suddenly feels very, very ashamed.

There’s a gentle brush of air against his cheek and he feels the cold pads of Obi-Wan’s fingers ghost over the back of his hand before disappearing.

Cody wants to say _I love you_. He wants to say _I’m so sorry._ He wants to say _I’ll never leave you, I’ll never let anyone hurt you, they’ll do it over my dead body._

Instead, what comes out is a hasty: “What’s the ETA?”

“Surely you’d know, Commander.” Obi-Wan’s voice is teasing, but Cody knows him well enough to know it’s forced; it’s all he can do to keep himself from flinching. “But four hours of hyperspace travel, I believe - we were stationed not that far away from Coruscant, as you know.”

“Yeah.” Cody shifts awkwardly and finds a way to sit so that his and Obi-Wan’s thighs are just touching - he can feel the heat ( _too warm_ , his mind chips in, _Obi-Wan runs cold_ ) radiating off his general and it makes something inside him settle. "I do."

Obi-Wan breathes out, shudderingly, and Cody’s head snaps around. Obi-Wan’s eyes are shining and he’s staring intently at the wall opposite them. 

“Obi-Wan?” For a second, his arm hangs uselessly between them before he sets it down on Obi-Wan’s arm. 

The Jedi is shaking.

“I’m fine, Cody-” Obi-Wan gasps out. “I just. I’ll be right back.”

Before Cody can say anything, he’s on his feet and across the room, stepping through the door to the corridor with the viewports. 

Cody’s arm drops back into his lap, his heart a lump in his throat. He wants more than anything to follow Obi-Wan and comfort him, but he suspects that Obi-Wan would prefer to be alone to collect his thoughts.

He looks across to Skywalker and Jinn, hoping that they didn’t notice. To his dismay, Jinn is watching him with calm grey eyes and that same inscrutable face. Then, he looks away and stands up, murmuring something to Skywalker before starting to follow Obi-Wan into the outer corridor.

Cody lunges forward and is across the room in seconds, blocking the door with his body. 

Jinn stops in front of him, confused. Skywalker gets up, too, hand going to the ‘saber on his belt. Cody hears the snap-click of Boil and Waxer putting their hands on their blasters and tenses further. He wishes more than anything that he was wearing his armour, because it adds an inch to his height and makes him more imposing - he's cold, merciless even, in it.

“Don’t.” He snarls. “ _Sir_.”

“Commander?” Jinn’s head tilts to the side questioningly. “Is everything alright?”

Cody takes a deep breath and forces himself to relax, but doesn’t move an inch from where he’s standing. Jinn will have to go through him to get to Obi-Wan.

“Master Jinn,” Cody looks up at the Jedi and smiles with all his teeth. Rex likes to call it his “ _rathtar smile of doom_ ”, which is fairly accurate. However, Jinn doesn’t react at all, just blinks at him. “General Kenobi needs some time alone, and as his second-in-command, I’d like you to wait until he returns.”

Jinn smiles politely.

“Commander,” he starts and Cody wants to- “Obi-Wan is my padawan - I’d like to talk to him.”

“With all due respect,” _none at kriffing all_ , “you’re dead, sir. I’m not.”

He puts his hand on his blaster and the click as he engages it is loud in the near deafening silence of the room. The threat goes unspoken.

“I see.” Jinn takes a step back. “Well then, Commander, we might as well discuss the exact nature of your relationship with my padawan, since your relationship with him takes precedence over mine.”

Cody ignores the sharp drop in his stomach, the fear of _how did he guess?_ that is so completely different from the fear of dying or the adrenaline charged terror of-

“As his second-in-command, it’s my duty to protect him.” He says instead. It’s not a lie.

“Protect him from _what_?” General Skywalker snaps. “Commander - Master Qui-Gon isn’t a threat.”

Cody sends him a withering look. Of course, that makes Skywalker even angrier.

“Commander Cody.” He starts but just as he’s about to say something else the door opens and Obi-Wan steps back through.

Cody spins round and gives him a once-over. Obi-Wan seems pale and harried, but that’s about it - but Cody notices the unhealthy flush high in his cheeks. 

_He’ll need a check-up_ , Cody decides. _Later_.

But he’s getting distracted; he won’t let Jinn get away with this, so he keeps his hand on his blaster. 

“Cody? Anakin?” Obi-Wan’s gaze flicks over them and then to Jinn. “What’s happening?”

“Your _commander_ ,” Skywalker grinds out and Cody resists the urge to snarl, “was just getting a little... _protective_.”

“Cody?” Obi-Wan prompts, frowning.

“Sir.” Cody bows his head and suddenly remembers that he and Obi-Wan. Aren’t talking. Well, Cody wasn’t talking but - maybe they will, after this? "I was-"

"He was doing what he thought was for the best." Jinn says soothingly and puts a hand on Cody’s shoulder. Cody glowers and steps to the side; Jinn’s hand drops away.

“I see.” Obi-Wan looks up and his eyes are wide and very, very blue. 

* * *

_Kenobi's dying._

_Cody doesn't know what to think about that, as they lie together in the field, separated from the Ghosts by a field of bad decisions and pretty flowers that are the same colour as the general's eyes. He wants to reach out and pluck one, just to put it up to Kenobi’s eyes and compare the different tendrils of hue. But he doesn’t do that; it would hurt too much to look into the general’s eyes, to peer between sandy eyelashes into an endless ocean of blue._

_Kenobi himself is half in Cody's lap. His leg is twisted at a bad angle away from his body and there's a growing red stain on his tunic. He's got an hour, maybe two if Cody knocks him out with a hypo - but something in him doesn’t want to do that. He wants to be with his general, his Jedi, right until the very end. Wants to drink in every flutter of expression on the man’s face, wants to support Kenobi’s head and card his fingers through ginger hair. He wants to protect the general until death._

_"We'll make it." Cody lies, cradling the general to his chest and watching Kenobi's eyes flicker. The general smiles weakly and Cody's throat burns. "Sir. We'll make it."_

_"It's Obi-Wan, Cody." Kenobi whispers. His voice cracks in all the wrong places but his eyes reflect the clear sky; calm and implacable. "My name._ Please _\- say my name."_

 _"Obi-Wan." Cody gasps and his throat is too tight around the word. "_ Obi-Wan _, we'll survive."_

_The general - Obi-Wan - smiles again, a sad little thing. His eyes slide past Cody's face to the blue, blue sky._

_"I most certainly won't, Cody." His eyes are glassy and Cody's heart hurts. "But if you leave me here-"_

_"_ Never _." Cody snarls and surprises himself with the ferocity of his own voice. Obi-Wan, too, blinks and his quiet gaze slips back to Cody. "I will_ never _leave you, Obi-Wan."_

_"Well." Obi-Wan reaches up and his cold fingertips trail over Cody's cheek. Cody can't help his knee-jerk reaction of seizing the general's hand in his own and tangling their fingers together. He might as well, since they're both going to die. "You'd be the first, my dear."_

_Cody squeezes Obi-Wan's hand tighter and ignores the stabbing pain in his side._

_“Obi-Wan.”_

_The Jedi smiles._

_“Yes, my dear?”_

_The way Cody’s heart skips must be from the injury in his side. He shifts and Obi-Wan gasps quietly, his eyes squeezing shut. Cody can’t look away, despite the pain etched onto the jetii’s face. He watches tiny silver bubbles bead on Obi-Wan’s eyelashes. They're just a shade darker than his hair, which is greasy and clumped together over his forehead. There’s a smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose and Cody finds himself wanting to get a stylo and draw constellations with them._

_Obi-Wan opens his eyes again and the swirls in his irises could almost be petals._

_“The blue flowers,” Cody reaches up and brushes his general’s hair out of those damn eyes, “what are they called?”_

_Obi-Wan pushes himself up a bit and Cody grabs at his waist, making the man hiss. He can’t bring himself to let go, though. Obi-Wan doesn’t protest any more though, even as he tries, with some success, to half sit up between Cody’s legs. They’re back-to-chest, so Cody manages to get his arms around Obi-Wan’s chest and just holds him in place._

_“They’re forget-me-nots,” Obi-Wan murmurs, his head lolling against Cody’s bicep. They’re so close- “Symbols of true love and remembrance, I believe.”_

_“Oh.” Cody stares at the nearest patch. It’s close enough for him to reach out, so he does, gently twists a branch free. “They’re beautiful.”_

_He’s pretty sure they are, at least. Flowers are meant to be pretty; he supposes it’s in their delicacy, their colours, their persistence. Cody wouldn't know, though; he doesn't understand the concept of beauty in the way natborns seem to. For him, beauty is in neat rows of numbers and the perfect weight of a working blaster. Beauty is in getting as many vod'e out alive and in executing a plan flawlessly. Beauty is in the unique markings on his vod'e's armour and the lines of their tattoos. Beauty is in the dangerous blue of his general's lightsaber and the spark in his eyes-_

_“They really are.” Obi-Wan breathes. “Much like you, Cody. You and every single one of your brothers are - beautiful, and so unique.”_

_There are tears on Cody’s face and he doesn’t know when they got there._

_“Obi-Wan,” he whispers, “they’re like you. They’re the colour of your eyes.”_

_“Really?” Obi-Wan looks so surprised and Cody wants to - he wants to do things he can’t explain to the jetii. “I was always told that my eyes were the colour of something else, rather than the other way around. Or that they were the colour of the sky, but never flowers.”_

_Cody holds the bunch of flowers between his fingers. They’re so small and he could crush them so easily._

_“Here.” He murmurs and gently tucks the branch behind Obi-Wan’s ear._

_“Oh.” Obi-Wan smiles at him. “Cody are you - you’re crying.”_

_He reaches up with trembling fingers to rub at Cody’s face. His fingertips are cold and leave tingling trails across Cody’s skin._

_“Obi-Wan.” He swallows and tries to articulate the ache in his chest, “Obi-Wan, I want-”_

_The Jedi looks at him with his stupid, stupid blue eyes and Cody can’t anymore._

_He drops down and kisses him, like the people do in holos. He’s had - he’s “been” with others, sure, but he’d never kissed them. If he thinks about it now, it was probably because he wanted to save it for - for his Jedi. Make it special._

_He presses his lips to the Jedi’s and Obi-Wan makes a startled noise, somewhere between a gasp and a sob. He kisses back, though, gentle and pliant even as Cody tries to devour everything about the jetii between one breath and the next._

_“Cody.” Obi-Wan breathes against his lips. “Cody.”_

_“Obi-Wan.” Cody knocks their foreheads together. “We’ll survive. Together.”_

* * *

“So.” Jinn starts. “There’s a war on.”

“Unfortunately.” Obi-Wan bows his head and Cody has to physically force his hand away from his blaster. "There's a Sith lord behind it but we...yet to discover who they are-"

"Surely the Jedi should put more effort into finding this Sith lord, rather than running around battlefields? We are peacekeepers, after all."

Obi-Wan makes a face and hunches further into his robes.

"The Council will be able to-"

"You're on the Council, though, Obi-Wan." Jinn snaps.

"I do not know how much information I can-"

"Obi-Wan." Cody's torn between the desire to punch Jinn and the urge to pick up Obi-Wan and hide him somewhere; his Jedi is shrinking into himself and Cody has never, ever seen him vulnerable like this. "The Council seems to have erred in its judgement. Surely you're better than they are."

“Master-”

General Skywalker makes a face at Jinn's words but Cody feels a flash of indignation. Jinn is - _accusing_ his own padawan? Cody's not quite sure of what but the disappointed undertone is right there in Jinn's voice and it makes him _angry_. Besides, the possibility of Obi-Wan being the Council's lapdog is outrageous - Obi-Wan is - was? - breaking the Code for him and so many other things that he knew Obi-Wan tortured himself over but still did because he was...well. _Obi-Wan_. 

Cody respects the Council, but he acknowledges that sometimes, their methods are...less than perfect. But they are still Jedi and if any of them are remotely like Obi-Wan then they are some of the best beings in the galaxy.

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule and Cody is staring right at one.

“No, Obi-Wan,” Jinn sighs, “I spoke out of turn, I’m sorry. You have more than lived up to being the Jedi you were going to be.”

“I-” Obi-Wan blinks in surprise and Cody wants to annihilate everyone who ever made Obi-Wan think he wasn’t enough (he’s beaten his own hands to a pulp, already, had begged Painless and Rex not to tell anyone). “Thank you, Master.”

Silence resumes. The ship around them hums quietly, which is so unlike the transport that Cody’s used to that it’s honestly disturbing. But he feels the hilt of the dagger press comfortingly into his calf as he shifts, hears Boil and Waxer’s muffled arguing with Jet in the cockpit, so it’s not all that bad. Skywalker is switching between burning holes into Cody’s skull and staring adoringly at Jinn. It’s like Obi-Wan isn’t in the room anymore for him.

Cody’s blaster clicks and he yanks his finger away from the trigger. He needs to calm down.

Boil sticks his head through the door to the cockpit and makes a come-here gesture. 

Cody blinks and Boil is gone. Around him, Obi-Wan and Jinn are engaged in some sort of staring contest and general Skywalker is starting to pout; he can leave them alone for a minute.

“I need to check on the pilot.” Cody says gruffly. Obi-Wan's gaze snaps up to him but Cody can't look at the jetii's face because he’s scared of what he’ll find there. “Sirs.”

He salutes and hurries out of the room.

As soon as he steps into the cockpit, Boil seizes him by his collar and shoves him down onto a seat.

"Lieutenant-" Cody starts.

Boil glares at him. Cody shuts up.

“What the kriff were you thinking?” Boil hisses. “You could get yourself decommissioned! For being kriffed in the head! Little sith hells, Cody, what the kriff?”

“I was trying to-”

“To what, protect the general?” Waxer says softly. “Cody, why?”

Cody bats Boil away and the lieutenant steps back with a scowl. Waxer puts a gentle hand on his partner’s shoulder and Cody is reminded of Obi-Wan doing the same to him as he watches all the fight drain out of Boil.

“I can’t say,” he scrubs a hand over his face, “without breaking Obi-Wan’s confidence.”

“But if you think it endangers him-” Boil starts.

“Not physically.” Cody mumbles into his hands, rubbing at his eyes. Gods he’s so tired. “I don’t think,” I don’t think Jinn would do that now, “He’s not in danger.”

“Okay-”

“Oh so _now_ you’re getting overprotective?” Boil interrupts Waxer with a slice of his hand. “What happened to avoiding him? And generally being...” he flaps his hand vaguely, "emotionally stunted?"

“I was being an idiot.”

“Have you apologised to him?” Waxer asks.

“I was going to.” Cody snaps. “Today. Then this all happened and he’s- I don’t know, okay? I will."

He sighs. Boil makes a face and comes to sit down next to Cody, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Waxer sits on his other side and pats his thigh.

“Whatever it is, you’ll figure it out, Commander.” Jet says cheerfully, coming in through the door to sit back down in the pilot’s seat. “It’ll be okay sir.”

“Have you been taking lessons from Gregor on how to be nice?” Waxer eyes the pilot warily.

Jet grins and gives them an exaggerated thumbs up.

“Comedian.” Boil mutters.

“Actually, pilot.” Jet snarks. “And I was laid up in Medical for a week with General Kenobi when I was a shiny.”

“Left quite the impression, huh?” Cody sighs.

“Yeah, sir! He’s the nicest.”

“He really is.” Cody vividly remembers the scene he’d fled from. He sighs again and stands up. “Alright, I’m heading back. Don’t crash the ship, please.”

He steps back through to find the room - emptier than before. Skywalker is glaring daggers at the wall but Obi-Wan and Jinn are nowhere to be seen.

“Sir?” He prompts.

Skywalker waves a hand at him.

“They’ve gone to talk.” He looks like he’s seconds away from pouting and Cody resists the urge to roll his eyes; he’s not in his bucket after all. “Cody, it’s like I’m just not there anymore.”

“With all due respect, sir.” Cody folds his arms behind his back and tries really, really hard to not roll his eyes. It’s getting more difficult by the minute and Skywalker, for all his virtues and for all Rex and Obi-Wan praises, is still an asinine child in Cody’s eyes. “Master Jinn is General Kenobi’s master and I understand that they have...a lot to talk about.”

Skywalker stares at him.

“You were the one who wanted to put a blaster bolt through Master Qui-Gon’s head just now!”

“I admit that I may have overreacted, general.” Not a lie, but he’d love to put a bolt through Jinn’s head. “I...care for the general greatly.”

“Me and you both, Cody.” Skywalker sighs and tips his head back to stare melodramatically at the ceiling. 

“Sir?” Cody says tightly.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love him.” Skywalker barrels on like he hasn’t heard him and Cody is this close to shooting something. “But sometimes he’s just so... _distant_ , y’know?”

“No.” Cody grits out. “I don’t.”

There’s a brief silence.

“Why are you telling me this, sir?” 

Skywalker shrugs.

“If you’re Obi-Wan’s friend, then you’re my friend too, right?”

Cody bites back his retort of _that’s not how it works_. Skywalker either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care; it wouldn’t be surprising, Cody thinks, if it was both.

“It was hard, wasn’t it,” Skywalker is on his feet and facing him before Cody can blink, “when he. You know. Died.”

Cody nods mutely. Truth be told, he hadn’t expected this conversation in any way - why is Skywalker talking about this?

“It made me think - I used to want Master Qui-Gon to be my Master instead of Obi-Wan,” Skywalker admits, “I mean-”

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan asks from the door.

He must’ve heard. _Little Sith hells_ , Cody knew that Skywalker had been about to explain but - out of context, even somebody who wasn’t Obi-Wan would’ve taken it the wrong way. And Obi-Wan being Obi-Wan, he would take it as yet another sign that Skywalker disliked him.

Obi-Wan is rapidly paling even further, if that’s possible. He’s swaying, too, leaning against the doorframe for support, and Cody barely has time to run across the room before the _jetii_ collapses, thankfully into his arms.

* * *

_When he found out, he’d almost collapsed. Rex had just about managed to catch him but it was a near thing - his legs had given out and there was a roaring in his ears._

_“Obi-Wan?” He’d asked, looking up into his brother’s face, hoping against hope that maybe, maybe he was still alive._

_Rex only shook his head._

_“They brought the body back.” He whispered. “It’s him.”_

_Cody drunk himself under the table that night. He was barely sober for the next week, stumbling so drunkenly through the mission they sent the 212th on that he didn’t even realise he’d missed the funeral._

_He finally sobered up enough to break his knuckles in the gym after about two weeks. Even so, he couldn’t eat or sleep, dragging himself through cycles and cycles and yet more blasted cycles so that the troops under his command wouldn’t die. Every night he went to Obi-Wan’s quarters and spoke to a dead man, curled up in a dead man’s bed and breathed in the last remnants of a dead man’s scent._

_“You can’t keep going like this,” Rex said as Cody started taking out the little parts of himself from Obi-Wan’s quarters. He stole a robe because he could. It’s not like anyone would be around to question it. The 212th mostly knew. Cody kept ending up sitting with vod’e to talk about the general and - he couldn’t bear it._

_“No,” Cody replied and Rex flinched. “I suppose not.”_

_Then he came back._

_Then Obi-Wan Kenobi came back from the dead, his face ashen-pale and his entire body too thin, with a smile plastered onto his face that belied the raw agony in his eyes and - Cody hadn't known what to do. So he'd turned tail and ran._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to cry/scream at me xoxo
> 
> ...chapter three in about a fortnight? Stay tuned <3


	3. so go ahead and cry little boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got writer's block so I'm buying myself time for the Real Chapter Three. This is a very short filler which poses some questions, answers none and didn't really go how I wanted it to :/ . But I'm throwing it to y'all anyway so that I can get myself an extra week or so to write Proper Content.

_“Why do you hate me?” Anakin asks him, shortly after they board the shuttle back to the Temple from Naboo._

_Obi-Wan is doing his best to meditate, but it’s hard with the torn bond scraping at the back of his mind and the pounding headache behind his eyes and the phantom stickiness on his hands. He’s so tired, too, his limbs weighing him down like lead. But, he manages to raise his head enough to stare, shocked, at Anakin, despite the fact that the action makes his head swim._

_“Where would you get that idea from?” He smiles weakly. “I don’t hate you, Ani.”_

_Anakin shrugs._

_“I dunno,” he squints up at Obi-Wan, his eyes as blue as the Tatooine sky and in some ways, just as bleak, “just feels like it.”_

_Obi-Wan considers this as best as he can. Force, he needs to pay more attention to the boy, this scared, confused boy, who’ll be his padawan (who he promised would be his padawan, even if they throw them out for it). This boy, whose life he’ll do his best not to absolutely kriff up._

_This boy, who is almost fully dependent on Obi-Wan - who still feels like he’s dependent on Qui-Gon._

_Who’s dead because Obi-Wan failed him. Obi-Wan can't fail a second time._

_He_ can’t.

(Then why will he?)

_“I don’t hate you.” Obi-Wan says again, firmer this time, shaking away the thoughts whispering at the edge of his mind. He doesn’t, it’s true - he can’t bring himself to._

_"Okay." Anakin says._

_There's a beat of silence._

_"I'm scared." Anakin mumbles, but it's not Anakin anymore-_

_It's somebody else with amber eyes and blood streaked hair and they're on the battlefield and oh, that's Cody, darling Cody-_

_"I'm scared." Cody whispers again and his lips are bloodstained, cracking at edges_ (it didn't go like this) _. There's so much blood on him and Obi-Wan's hand comes away covered in crimson from the hole in Cody's stomach._ (It didn't go like this, did it?) _"Obi-Wan. Please. I'm scared."_

 _"Cody." Obi-Wan presses his hands to Cody's stomach but Cody just smiles at him with bloody teeth and he's_ not supposed to die, _"No, no no, Cody, stay with me-"_

 _"It's gonna be alright, ‘s alright,_ udesii _," Cody reaches up and his hand smears hot stickiness all over the back of Obi-Wan's neck but he doesn't care. Their foreheads press together and Cody's eyes crinkle at the corners, burning amber turning into infected yellow as Obi-Wan clings on to the vent in the shaft, Maul staring down at him._

 _(_ **This** is how it went. _)_

 _The Dark crackles around him, whispering, tempting, and he's oh so_ angry, _and it's so_ easy _to just sink into that black wave and hurl himself through the air and slash and burn and kill. It feels so_ good _and he wants to laugh, laugh until his throat hurts because Maul is hurtling down and Obi-Wan is alive and standing on top and the Dark swirls through his veins for all of a second before it burns up in the Light within him._

_Then he remembers Qui-Gon and-_

_\- it's quiet._

_They've just returned from a dangerous mission and it's one of their rare moments of comfort and affection. These moments are few and far between, now, so Obi-Wan has learnt to cherish them for what they are: moments of clarity and love and, above all,_ peace _._

_They've managed to successfully tuck themselves up into Qui-Gon's bunk. The older Jedi is dozing - their training bond buzzes fuzzily, consciousness there but not quite. Obi-Wan, however, can't sleep, his mind filled with various thoughts that he can't quite pin down. He hums some tune absently, the sound vibrating through his skull and focussing him a little onto more pleasant memories of idly sitting under the bright sunlight with beings who didn't seem to resent his presence._

_He shifts carefully, so as not to disturb Qui-Gon; Obi-Wan is curled into the older man's - no. He's curled into his_ father's _side and it's warm and he feels_ safe. _After all, in many ways, despite their crippling differences, Qui-Gon is very much a father figure to him, and a father is a place of safety, someone who will protect him - even from himself (at least sometimes)._

_Obi-Wan is happy. Even though he still doesn't understand why Qui-Gon chose him of all people, despite certainly not having to. But he's content. For now at least._

_"What are you humming?" Qui-Gon asks suddenly._

_Obi-Wan stops, considering. He doesn't really know, to be honest. He supposes he's picked it up from somewhere, somewhere warm and sunny and the farmers hummed it as they worked. One of them stopped by him, though:_

_"When we were on Chandrila, I was talking with one of the farmers there," he pauses and Qui-Gon turns his head round to look at him, questioning, "He taught me it. I can't quite remember the words now, but I do remember the tune."_

_Qui-Gon smiles, and his free hand ruffles Obi-Wan's hair affectionately, making him squawk in surprise._

_"So that's what you were up to all that time," Qui-Gon rumbles, voice distinctly amused, "I had been wondering, lately."_

_Obi-Wan shrugs but he can't stop the smirk that curls around his mouth._

_Qui-Gon chuckles, rich and low and warm; Obi-Wan feels more at peace than he has in a long time-_

_(This is how it went.)_

"Obi-Wan!" _Calls a familiar voice,_ "Obi-Wan, wake up, please-"

 _-but it's warm in the sunlight, and he doesn't want to leave Cody's arms. They're tangled together on the bed in Obi-Wan's old Temple rooms. Obi-Wan is in his worn sleepwear and Cody wearing one of Obi-Wan's shirts and it's oh so_ warm _. The sunlight bathes them both and besides, Cody runs hot like a space heater, so Obi-Wan glues himself to the man at every possible opportunity. Cody doesn't seem to mind._

_Obi-Wan sighs and shifts, realising belatedly that he's mostly on top of Cody. A few seconds of contemplation lead him to worm closer into Cody's arms, burying his face in the man's neck. Cody's morning stubble scratches at his neck but he doesn't care, pressing his nose further into his lover's neck._

_Cody makes an incoherent grumbling noise and his arms come up around Obi-Wan's waist, tightening until Obi-Wan is firmly stuck in place._

_"G'morning, cyar'ika." Cody rumbles, turning his head to nuzzle gently at Obi-Wan's neck._

_"You could say that." Obi-Wan grouses._

_Cody chuckles and Obi-Wan feels him smile against his skin before he's getting rolled to the side. His eyes snap open, ready to be pinned or tickled or attacked, but Cody doesn't do anything beyond tangling their legs together. However, he doesn't relinquish his grip, either, although he does lean back a little._

_Obi-Wan makes a face at the absolute_ bastard _but Cody just grins, crowsfeet crinkling at the corners of his eyes, which are glowing gold in the early morning sun._

 _Obi-Wan is left breathless at the sight. Something squeezes tight in his chest as he looks at Cody and he realises that he loves the man. The epiphany makes him_ ache.

_Cody leans in to gently press their foreheads together, his eyes staring right into Obi-Wan's as he does so. His gaze never strays from Obi-Wan._

_"Hey," he whispers. His grin widens into something goofy and Obi-Wan is helpless, reaching up to trace patterns in Cody's face. He smiles back, wanting to cry, even though he just wants to hold Cody tight and never let go._

_"Hello there." He blurts instead._

_Cody grins and leans in closer-_

"Hey, Obi-Wan. Sir. It's Thorn, remember me? Commander Thorn, Coruscant Guard, I work with Fox. Remember? That one who's just a bit- big old bastard. Yeah. Cody's gone for now but uh, yeah, I'm here, Fox is just outside. Uh. Yeah! Wake up please. I'm. Just. Gonna sit here. Y'know. And wait. Wake up, Obi-Wan."

_"Sir!" The commander snaps to attention just a second later than all the others. His hair is dyed blond but the roots are black and the curls are just longer than regulation standard. Obi-Wan would be a liar if he said that it wasn't striking._

_"At ease," he waves at the Guard members, who relax immediately. There are only four of them here (Stone, Thorn, Thire and another one who Obi-Wan knows is new - Fox and Thorn had been talking about a transfer about a week ago. "I need to talk to a Commander Thorn..?"_

_The blond one steps forward, smirking. Obi-Wan can't help but grin back, unable to keep the teasing edge out of it._

_"That'd be me, sir."_

_Obi-Wan nods, then turns to the other troopers. "You're all free to go."_

_They nod and start milling around to file out and soon it's just Obi-Wan and the commander._

_"What did you need to talk to me about,_ sir?" _Thorn leers at him and Obi-Wan rolls his eyes at his friend's theatrics._

_"What, I can't drop by to see a friend?"_

_Thorn shrugs and nudges Obi-Wan with his foot._

_"Come on, then," he grins and Obi-Wan suddenly thinks of a scar curling around an eye and a sharp smile and black curls trimmed into a regulation cut. "Fox is waiting, ner'bur'cya."_

_Thorn hooks an arm through Obi-Wan's and they stagger out, laughing, right into the middle of a Council meeting._

_Anakin stands a little away from Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and_ (this is how it went) _Qui-Gon is saying something. He's saying words that will change Obi-Wan forever._

_"I'll train the boy." Qui-Gon draws himself up to his full height and - Obi-Wan can't breathe._

(This is how it goes).

_It hurts. His entire mind is on fire and yet-_

_Someone is holding his hand._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 4th Aug. 2020 - due to really bad family issues, i'm not sure when this will next update, but i know for sure that it will, so hang in there y'all and i'm really sorry for the delay


	4. I know that you got daddy issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ. I did it. It's not as long as the first two chapters, but this chapter has finally been written! Thank you for your patience and the love this fic is getting ❤️
> 
> Before we start. This chapter is going to underline the "past child abuse" tag. With an 8B pencil. Several times. While I recognise that it probably won't happen, I won't tolerate any clowning about the issue: it's personal for me, which is why it took so long for this chapter to come out of me. I've given you fair warning: while it's nothing graphic, it's something that could be triggering due to the sensitive nature of it. Thank you for your understanding.
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm pretty wrung out by writing this, and just want it out of the way, so really I only edited like, twice, so please forgive any mistakes and the fact that the quality is patchy at best.

"Rise and shine, sir!"

Obi-Wan snaps awake and is sitting bolt upright in half a second, confused. There's a hand on his shoulder and-

"Woah, woah, _udesii._ "

He knows that voice, it's familiar like all the vod'e are but he _knows_ this one. 

"Commander Thorn?" He rasps. 

His voice is hoarse and his mouth tastes fuzzy; he feels something like a lump in his throat. He's dimly aware of the headache pulsing in the back of his head, too, but it's buried under a swathe of painkillers, for now.

It's all he can do to turn his head round to stare at the Guard officer: Thorn is sitting next to the bed, which seems to be in...the Temple's Halls of Healing?

He blinks slowly, taking in his surroundings. He's been placed into an isolated ward. The walls are the soft white they've always been and it's somewhat worrying that he finds them comforting, like he's that much closer to home. The room itself isn't particularly big, with one bench by the side of the bed and another chair against the opposite wall. The beige curtains haven't changed, either, neither has the gentle blue glow of the arrangement of purifying crystals in the cabinet in the corner. 

As for himself, he doesn't seem to be connected to anything and nothing hurts - which is probably good? He doesn't think he's on drugs. He's not happy enough for that, but he doesn't remember what happened to him, which is probably bad.

He inhales sharply as an image snaps into the forefront of his mind. Words string into sentences and the ache in his head suddenly makes sense.

Breathing suddenly becomes so much harder.

Thorn remains quiet for a few seconds, hand rubbing gently at Obi-Wan's shoulder. He could almost forget that the man hasn't seen him since before he died. 

"The one and only, sir." Thorn murmurs eventually and the air is heavy with unspoken things, words that Obi-Wan knows Thorn will never say. "What do you remember?"

_Too much._

"Master Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan blurts. It's really the only thing he can think about, the one unfathomable thing that's come back to haunt him. Karma is, apparently, real, or maybe the Force had a sick sense of humour and a grudge against Obi-Wan. "Um. Passing out. Cody-" Cody had held him, he thinks _._ He remembers snatches of whispered comforts and apologies but he's not sure where and when they're from. Cody's held him lots of times. "Where's Cody?"

It's a bit of a stupid question. Cody is his own man, and yet Obi-Wan can't help but cling to the steady, stalwart presence of his commander like a drowning man finding shore. Really, they'd developed some level of dependency on each other: peace was a rare commodity during war, and once they'd found it in each other, it was hard to leave. But that's exactly what they did, every day, crawling out of each other's embrace into the blinding, shadowed turbulence of war.

Obviously somewhat oblivious to Obi-Wan's inner turmoil, Thorn grins sheepishly and scratches the back of his neck. A lock of blond hair falls over his head and Obi-Wan can't help his smile at the realisation that Thorn finally dyed his hair, like he was always talking about. They haven't gotten in touch for about two or three months now and Obi-Wan finds that he's really missed his friend.

"He's just outside with Fox." Thorn’s grin turns impish. “Last I heard, Fox was threatening bodily harm, but we’ll get to that later, general.”

Obi-Wan stares, not quite sure how to reply. But now that he listens, he can hear Fox’s distinctive drawl, muffled by the walls, but still audible, underlaid by Cody’s lower timbre. 

Coughing, Thorn rearranges himself, artfully recrossing his legs before leaning forward on his elbows. His expression is suddenly very serious, eyes, so similar and yet so unlike his siblings’, are wide and earnest, with something like _sorrow_ in them.

“I’m going to say this before Fox comes in with Cody." Thorn peers into Obi-Wan’s face, the scar on his nose wrinkling. “We were really worried. You’ve been out for about a day. Healer Che said to leave you to rest: you had a pretty bad case of uh. Force exhaustion? And generally, _you_ ,” Thorn bops Obi-Wan on the head, affectionately concerned, “were in a bad state. Not eating, not sleeping, you’re worse than Fox, gods.”

Obi-Wan opens his mouth to say something but Thorn lifts a hand, cutting him off.

“And before - before I don’t say. It. Uh. Obi-Wan Kenobi, we all love you. Cody loves you a whole lot and I know he kinda kriffed up - yes, _he_ did, not you - after you. Y’know. Came back from...from being dead, it’s not because that - not because his love for you changed. He just never really knew what to do with feelings so rather than like, actually talking it out, he just tends to. Run away. I don’t think he realises that, but Fox is beating sense into him outside right now. Which is a bit hypocritical, really.”

Thorn trails off, choking out a laugh, and turns to stare at the wall behind Obi-Wan’s head. 

Obi-Wan tries to process.

He remembers the scene on the ship; something light trembling in Cody’s eyes, the gentle touches, something fragile and glowing still there under the pile-up of _everything else_. He remembers (still feels) the tentative hope - then. 

And then. Maybe he pushed too far? Or did he not do enough? Is Cody the next in a string of failures, of lives he ruined, of lives he didn’t save? 

_“-want Master Qui-Gon to be my Master instead of Obi-Wan-”_ Anakin had said. Anakin couldn’t lie. But then again, that was hardly a surprise to anyone.

“ _-what have you achieved?-”_ Qui-Gon had said, after Tahl was dead.

“I see.” Obi-Wan scrubs his hands over his face and doesn’t make any pitiful sounds. “And. Anakin? Master Qui-Gon?" The last two words are bitter in his mouth. "Where are they?”

Thorn shrugs.

“With the Council, I think.” He makes a face. “Me and Fox are here mostly to check up on you, but Fox is _also_ here to yell at Cody, Cody’s here with you. Ponds’ Jedi - I mean, General Windu - told us to keep an eye on, well. Things. I think he’s worried.”

“You’re not allowed to stab Master Qui-Gon.” Obi-Wan says tiredly, but knowing Mace has his back in this mess makes him smile. “No matter what Mace says.”

“He told us not to punch Master Jinn until he allows us to.” Thorn snorts. “Something like wanting to be the first to. What’s up with that, by the way? Cody’s not saying anything.”

Obi-Wan pauses and thinks of the most diplomatic way to say “ _my relationship with my old Master is a mess and I have so many mixed feelings that I prefer not to think about it, but other people keep telling me that it was bad for me and kriffed me over in about a thousand different ways_ ”.

“It’s complicated.” Is what comes out.

“Of kriffing course it is.” Comes Fox’s voice as the commander stomps into the ward, dragging a somewhat sorry-looking Cody behind him. “If it’s not _complicated_ , it’s just a big karking mess.”

Fox deposits Cody onto a chair across the room and snarls at him to stay put before making his way over to sit beside Thorn, who obligingly uncrosses his legs to make room.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are a hot mess.” Fox’s voice is far too matter-of-fact. Obi-Wan should find it insulting. “But it is good to see you, even though you look like shit.”

“Thank you.” Obi-Wan says drily. “Ever the flatterer, Commander.”

“Of course.” It’s Thorn who answers and Obi-Wan realises a little too late that he’s in the same room as three people with the rank of _commander_ , one of whom is, in Fox’s words, _‘a little shit’_.

He sighs; Fox glares. Cody crosses his arms and looks vaguely mournful.

Nobody says anything, after that. There's only the sounds of the flyways just outside the Temple, and the quiet clacking of Thorn's boot against the floor as he bounces his leg up and down. Fox's exasperated glare swings from Thorn to Obi-Wan, turning softer around the edges, but nonetheless still withering.

“Alright.” Fox draws the word out, like he's trying to delay something, and leans forward to pat the back of Obi-Wan’s hand. Then he gets up again, grabbing Thorn’s wrist and hauling him up too. “We’ll be back in a few, general. Cody’s got _something to say_.”

Fox’s glare could probably melt metal, and Cody shrinks further into himself. Obi-Wan supposes older brothers are equally terrifying all around the galaxy, and Fox is more threatening than most.

With a final flash of his eyes, Fox sweeps out of the room, dragging a quietly protesting Thorn out behind him, and leaving a sort of deafening silence. 

Obi-Wan reels. He'd been expecting a lecture, truth be told, but then again Fox usually forewent those in favour of disappointed stares like the one he had just received.

Meanwhile, Cody shifts awkwardly, and Obi-Wan's attention abruptly snaps back to his commander. A few heartbeats later, Cody gets up as well, coming up to sit where Thorn and Fox just were.

He's still wearing his greys, although they're rumpled by now. He seems oddly exposed in them, not much less bulky than he is in the armour - Cody is, after all, more heavily built than most of the clones, which comes with him being a CC - but still oddly like a Nabooian queen without her regalia. Exposed. Far too young and really, pretty inexperienced, stripped back.

He's got at least three knives and a blaster on him, Obi-Wan knows, but that doesn't change it. Cody is vulnerable and he doesn't know what to do with that.

"You wanted to say something?" Obi-Wan tries for a smile, but judging by Cody's minute wince, it comes out as more of a grimace.

Cody breathes in and for the first time in what seems like _so long_ , his eyes come up and meet Obi-Wan’s.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

The air is so fragile Obi-Wan is scared of breathing, of shattering it. 

“Oh, _Cody_.” He murmurs, eventually; he can't help it. 

The man turns away briefly, then his gaze is back on Obi-Wan’s face, searching, almost _imploring,_ but true.

“I mean it.” He jerks his chin up, swallowing, hands twisting in the loose material of his greys. His words trip over each other, coming out in one big rush, something that Obi-Wan recognises as words finally ripping free. “I avoided you, I hurt you because... I didn’t know what I was _feeling_. It’s all one big kriffing miscommunication and I ran away instead of fixing it. And I’m sorry for that, I should’ve at least talked it out… because I don’t blame you, Obi-Wan. I never did, how could I? There’s a war on and you were following orders. I was angry, yes, but not at you. At the Council for making you do something I know you didn’t want. At the war, at the Chancellor, at myself. But.”

“Cody-” Obi-Wan starts, not knowing what he's about to say.

Cody barrels on, though.

“This isn’t a holo, Obi-Wan.” Cody smiles, a small thing. “Not anything like the ones we’ve watched together, where everything is perfect and dramatic and easy as firing a blaster. I don’t really know how to say it all and I’m not sure if it’s coming out right, but what - what I’m _trying_ to say is that I’m sorry and I want _us_ back. I want to do better by you. I want you by my side, I want to be by your side, where I’m supposed to be, where I can help you and support you, especially with - with _him back_.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan says.

Cody swallows and his head drops, like he’s scared, his hands knotting in his greys. When he speaks again, his voice is so quiet that Obi-Wan is afraid it’ll break:

“But only if you’ll have me.”

“Oh, _Cody_.” Obi-Wan breathes, just like he did an epiphany ago. “Of course - of course I will.”

Cody’s almost surprised grin is a sunrise across his face. Obi-Wan can’t help his own smile, temporarily forgetting everything but Cody, his Cody, and reaches out. As always, his commander catches his hand between two of his own, larger, so much _warmer_ ones.

“Well,” Obi-Wan says after a few moments, “now that we’ve gotten over ourselves, could you please tell me what’s going on?”

Cody abruptly closes off, his eyes going dark and angry. He squeezes Obi-Wan’s hand tighter.

“Jinn is with the Council, as is General Skywalker. They’re sorting things out and I think - General Yoda was saying something about getting you and him to _talk things out_.”

Obi-Wan closes his eyes and breathes against the sudden wave of nausea.

“I see.” He says.

Before either of them can say anything more, though, there’s a knock and the door swings open.

Cody jerks upright but not away. Obi-Wan tears his hands away from Cody’s. 

And Qui-Gon Jinn walks in.

* * *

_“I’m sorry.” Obi-Wan whispers, standing with his back only recently not flayed open and his lightsaber limp in his hand._

_Qui-Gon doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. The radio plays something upbeat and cheery, the latest galactic hit, Obi-Wan thinks absently - and feels so guilty after._

_He’s not done anything wrong, though. Tahl - Tahl didn’t die because of him, did she? He just wanted to help, he’d helped, hadn’t he?_

_He’s not so sure, now. He can tell - Qui-Gon is upset, which means he’s also angry at Obi-Wan for something - something he didn’t do, right?_

_(What has he done this time? There's a little voice in his head, second-guessing everything, whispering that Obi-Wan is bad, that he shouldn’t think that Qui-Gon would accuse him for something he didn’t do. After all, Qui-Gon isn’t like that.)_

_“She's dead.” Qui-Gon rasps._

_Obi-Wan winces; he knows, he knows she’s dead, he saw her die, but then again, what does that matter? She’s dead. Obi-Wan’s alive._

_Now that he thinks about it, it seems like Qui-Gon isn’t quite happy with which way around that is._

_“She’s dead.” Qui-Gon lifts his head and gets up, his entire posture angry and tense and Obi-Wan takes an instinctive step back. “Couldn’t you have tried to save her?”_

_Obi-Wan opens his mouth. Closes it again._

_“Why didn’t you do more? Why does everyone have to do everything for you?”_

He’s just grieving _, Obi-Wan tells himself, and takes another step back,_ he’s just grieving, he’s not actually blaming you-

_“Why did she have to die?” Qui-Gon snaps and he’s too loud, he’s too angry, his hands are clenched in fists and his eyes - his eyes scare Obi-Wan. “Why didn’t you save her?”_

_“Master-”_

_"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon snaps. "Don't even bother. You were never meant to be a Jedi. You're just not cut out. Impulsive, angry. Apparently selfish too. Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered to take pity on you. I should have left you on Bandomeer."_

_There's a deafening silence. Obi-Wan can't say anything. He can't even cry._

_He can't even apologise. What's the point?_

_"I'm sorry." Qui-Gon says eventually. And that hurts more than the anger, the way he steps forward with sorrow in his eyes and embraces ready in his arms. "Force, Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said that. It won't happen again, I promise."_

_(That's exactly what he said the last time)._

_"It's alright, Master." Obi-Wan smiles like it's all okay. It's not._

_He goes to bed early that night, curls under the covers and tries not to cry. He wishes, devastatingly hard, that Qui-Gon had punched him, done something to him, hit him -_ anything _physical just to make Qui-Gon the clear wrongdoer._

_But he hadn't done that. He hadn't, and Obi-Wan doesn't know what to think anymore._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot give a precise date for the next chapter, but about three weeks give or take seems accurate. School is starting in September and it's 🥰 important exams year 🥰 so I really can't guarantee any semblance of consistency.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and sticking with me! Over 500 subscriptions and 800+ kudos, really, I'm crying-

**Author's Note:**

> come chat, ask me stuff, vibe and/or yell at or with me [here!](https://thedisasternerd.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


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